Nicholas had his 2-month visit to the pediatrician today, so I figured I'd share his stats. He weighed in at 13 lbs 4 oz and measued at 24 1/2 inches long. That is around the 90th percentile for each! Given our genes and the fact that I've spent half his life eating saltines, I'm not quite sure how he is so big, but the doctor pronounced him in perfect health, so we're happy. The doctor also gave us a way to get rid of his icky-looking cradle cap, which I'm excited to try.
Nicholas did not like the shots, but loved the baby Tylenol (it is the closest thing to candy he has ever had!) and I'm letting him nap in my arms right now, so life isn't too bad.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Watching You, Watching Us
You may not have noticed it, but about two weeks ago I added a visit counter to the sidebar on the blog (you can see it below, it's the number highlighted in green). I think all bloggers have moments of doubt when they wonder whether anyone is in fact reading their productions, and alas, we are no different. So now we can keep track of how many visitors we've had, beginning in mid-July (313 as of this moment!).
What I had not anticipated was that the website that let us put up a free visit counter would also provide (still for free) a significant mountain of data about all of you, our readers. In other words, we know when you refresh the blog every ten minutes because you don't want to be working. Seriously, though, in the interest of fairness, curiosity, and sheer voyeurism, I thought I'd share some noteworthy statistics that have appeared in the last few weeks about you:
What I had not anticipated was that the website that let us put up a free visit counter would also provide (still for free) a significant mountain of data about all of you, our readers. In other words, we know when you refresh the blog every ten minutes because you don't want to be working. Seriously, though, in the interest of fairness, curiosity, and sheer voyeurism, I thought I'd share some noteworthy statistics that have appeared in the last few weeks about you:
- You know us. The vast majority of "entries" to our blog come with no link, so you know our url, and you use it.
- Eighty of you have visited us for the first time, though this number is by computer. So those of you who check at work and home count twice. But that still means we probably have more than fifty readers, which is pretty sweet. And that doesn't include those of you who read the blog through Google Reader or some other aggregator and don't click through to the actual blog.
- For the most part, the location of our visitors makes complete sense to us: an awful lot at our university, and then places where our families live. Maryland, New York, and Indiana top the rankings for most visits by state.
- On the other hand, we apparently have made it into Blogger's "random blog" list, because we've also gotten hits from the UK, Germany, Norway, France, Egypt, Spain, Sweden, Peru, and Brazil.
- And, those of you who got here by way of searching (and this is only about 10 out of the 300+) found us mostly by searching "Snugglesaurus." People have also found us by looking for variations of things about peanuts. Go figure.
- When you leave, you go look at our photos. Or you go somewhere completely different.
- A majority of you use Firefox, and have pretty high-resolution screens. It took me a while to figure out why the counter would even record that information, but then I realized that a business designing a website would need to maximize the site's appearance for how people interfaced with it. But it's useless to us.
- I can't possibly believe that their "visit length" metric works properly. It thinks that 47% of you have spent more than an hour on an individual visit. Which, in all seriousness, I find a bit unbelievable.
- The counter obviously doesn't compute this as a metric, but we're very educationally oriented. A large majority of our hits come from ISPs at colleges and universities. Which means that you're not working on your dissertation right now, are you? (Of course, neither am I!)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Medicine Fail
The doctor has declared my new medicine a failure and so now we are on to tests, starting at the less invasive and working our way up. I am scared. Scared of how I'll feel in the upcoming days without medicine. (I have been taking one or another for 4 weeks now and even though they didn't solve the problem, they have helped some.) Scared of invasive testing. Scared that we won't find an answer to this since the specialist has admitted that he is baffled. Just scared of the unknown. So if you could, say a prayer for me.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Manipulative Marketing
Remember how I posted about the absurd marketing aimed at parents? Well, I have a specific example that I'm going to rant about today. A certain juice company has started making (and vigorously marketing) "Brain Development" and "Immunity" versions of their juice. That's right, one more way to guilt parents into spending money unnecessarily. If you don't give your child this special juice it will be all your fault if they get sick or don't get straight As. How dare you stand in their way of maximizing their potential for a few measly dollars?
The kicker in this is that these days pediatricians don't recommend giving kids juice or, if you do, seriously restricting it and diluting it with equal parts water. Basically it has way too much sugar for the little bits of nutrition. Do you think these new juice lines are the juice companies feeling the effects of this new recommendation and trying to counter pediatricians' advice? Or am I just overly cynical?
The kicker in this is that these days pediatricians don't recommend giving kids juice or, if you do, seriously restricting it and diluting it with equal parts water. Basically it has way too much sugar for the little bits of nutrition. Do you think these new juice lines are the juice companies feeling the effects of this new recommendation and trying to counter pediatricians' advice? Or am I just overly cynical?
Two month update
Nicholas turns two months old today. It seems like he is so much older than that, but then I realize that he is 1/6 of a year (and so once we go through 5 more times equal to that which has passed he will be starting to walk and talk) I am in shock with how quickly it is going. And he has already gotten so big and so grown up (comparatively speaking, of course). A little bit for you, but even more for our sake as a record to look back at, here is a snapshot of Nicholas at 2 months:
- He has smiling and laughing down pat. He smiles in response to smiles or fun "games," when he can make toys move, or when he sees someone he recognizes. He laughs when other people are laughing. Since most of the time we laugh it is at something silly he did, this leads to him laughing at himself, which of course makes us laugh more. He also laughs at all of Daddy's stupid jokes, if only because Daddy laughs at them and he follows suit. He started smiling at Joe first and even once he started smiling at me and other people, saved his biggest grins for Daddy. This is just now starting to even out.
- He is starting to get control of his head. He still needs some backup support because he loses control, but in the past week he has gotten so much stronger. When he is awake and in someone's arms he is moving his head back and forth so rapidly I think he'll get whiplash, but he just wants to use his new skill to see everything.
- He remembers games and will get excited by knowing what is coming. I've mentioned in other posts how he remembers that he can make the toys on his chair move. After I did the "charge" game a few times, he started smiling as soon as I started rather than waiting for the "charge" on his nose. (See the video in the Peanut Gallery.)
- He is freaked out by mirrors. There are mirrors on his playmat and his swing because supposedly babies love them. He didn't take any interest in them until last week, but now he notices them and hates them. But he won't take his eyes off of them. He just stares intently and gets upset. We now have a blanket over the one on the playmat.
- There are still a few 3-month outfits that he can fit into, but for the most part he is wearing all 6-month clothes now. We have been sad to say goodbye to some of his old outfits, which are now overflowing the "Cashew drawer" (so named because it holds the things that are in storage for hypothetical younger sibling, nicknamed Cashew). Since poop now frequently seeps out of his diapers, we think it is time to move him up to size 2 . . . in 3-4 days when we use up the rest of the size 1s.
- He "talks" to us some, but started talking to "his animals" (the animals on his playmat) first and does so more frequently. Probably because unlike us they actually let him get a word in. We're trying to work on this.
- Much to our disappointment, he is not a big fan of being read to. He wants to be moving or doing something all the time, so sitting still (or even rocking) and being read to is not active enough for his taste. We're hoping this will change. Right now the only way I can get him to be happy through a whole board book is if I have Chompy (the beanie baby alligator) read it to him in a funny voice and act it out.
- He does not like to sleep. Or, more accurately, he does not like to fall asleep. He fights sleep with everything he has. We'll watch his eyelids get heavy and close, only to pop back open . . . over and over again. We often have to use some combination of movement, rubbing his back, and a pacifier to overwhelm his defenses and get him to relax enough to let himself fall asleep. I know he comes by it honestly, but we have to find some way to get this kid to relax and take a nap on his own or the toddler years are going to be a nightmare.
- He has recently taken to demanding being walked around, and so we've been doing laps around the living room and apartment complex parking lot. I do not like this development, but when the choices are walk with him or have him screaming, I'll choose the former.
- He is sleeping in his crib in the nursery at night. Some nights he sleeps 9:30-7ish with only waking up once or twice to eat. Other nights he is up every couple hours and needs to be coddled back to sleep. We're trying to only feed him the times when it seems he could reasonably be hungry in hopes that he will stop waking up the other times. I think part of the problem is that his nursery is over the stairwell and some of our neighbors come and go (and close doors loudly) at all hours of the night. He will not sleep in his crib during the day. On good days he sleeps in his chair. Other days he'll only nap in his carseat (i.e. in the stroller in motion) or in our arms. We'd love to enforce naps in his crib, but sometimes you have to live to fight another day.
- He in general likes baths, but hasn't yet started to play in them. He likes them enough that he sits patiently through them without crying, but he doesn't smile. A couple times he has kicked around and seemed like he was exploring, but for the most part he just sits there looking stunned. This is great for us, as it makes it much easier to keep ahold of him.
I'm sure there are a ton of other things I can't think of right now, but in summary Nicholas is a happy 2-month old who makes us smile at least as often as he frustrates us. And whether because we have 2 months of experience or because we're getting more sleep, even the frustrating things aren't getting under our skin these days.
Nicholas and Mommy at 2 months old:
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Christmas in July
If you look at your calendar, you'll see that it's July 25—Christmas in July, and only five months until the real deal. Below are a few photos of Nicholas celebrating in his special Christmas outfit.
The outfit, actually, was technically a gift to his grandmother, Alice, way back on her birthday in November. It's how she found out about the then-Peanut. She graciously agreed to let us hold onto it so that Nicholas could wear it. And, given how well it fits him now, we may need a new Christmas outfit come December.
The outfit, actually, was technically a gift to his grandmother, Alice, way back on her birthday in November. It's how she found out about the then-Peanut. She graciously agreed to let us hold onto it so that Nicholas could wear it. And, given how well it fits him now, we may need a new Christmas outfit come December.
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| From Nicholas - Month 2 |
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| From Nicholas - Month 2 |
Back in Town
I'm back in Baltimore, and Nicholas finally seemed happy about it this morning. For future reference, it's probably better, if I'm hoping for a good reaction to my arrival, to come back in the morning or afternoon and not in the evening. That's his cranky time, and I don't think it would matter who showed up.
The other important note is that Sarah has finally been able to upload photos from the last few weeks. For convenience, since they're all in the "Month 2" album, you can get to the first new photo here.
The other important note is that Sarah has finally been able to upload photos from the last few weeks. For convenience, since they're all in the "Month 2" album, you can get to the first new photo here.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Hanging out with Grandma Kathleen
Nicholas has had a pretty cranky couple of days. So much so that today he and I spent 2 hours walking around the Towson mall to buy me some peace and get him a nap. (We almost got to see Uncle Andrew while we were there because he was working, but he had too much work to do. So close.) But, in his short spells of happiness, he had some fun with Grandma Kathleen and because the pictures are just too adorable, I bring them to you here:
Nothing new in the Peanut Gallery because I need Joe's computer to be able to post them there. Expect a picture dump this weekend. Because Joe comes home tomorrow night!!!! :)
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Promised Pictures
Some pictures of the day, as promised:
Nicholas chillin' with his new friend Ellen:
Playing with Kate:
Looking all grown up:
I thought Nicholas was going to be so sad having Daddy gone all week and stuck with just boring Mommy to play with, but he is really loving all these new faces and friends. (Not that he doesn't miss Daddy, of course.)
New Perspectives
Sometimes, when I acquire something new or different, I begin to notice that thing everywhere. When I got glasses in high school, all of a sudden it seemed like everyone wore glasses, and I noticed for the first time the different styles of frames. When Sarah and I were about to get engaged, and for a short time thereafter, I noticed in great detail the various types of engagement rings and wedding bands that people sported. And, for obvious reasons, this past May I began to notice Honda Civics and Accords.
All of this is by way of preface to noting that I caught the dirty looks everyone gave a mother of two boys this morning in Starbucks, and felt them more acutely than I think I would have three months ago. I'd gone in because I needed some breakfast (and being in Philadelphia, had to pay for it), and Starbucks was offering free pastries. I was calmly sitting and eating my scone when suddenly a little boy, maybe three or four, decided he needed a new one. I don't know what, but he NEEDED a NEW ONE. NOW! It only took about three or four repetitions for his mother to calm him down, and she didn't go up to the counter to get a new anything, so she actually did a remarkable job considering the whole incident lasted about thirty seconds. But in that short time, I glanced around the coffee shop and saw some rolled eyes, and one other customer, a businessman in his forties, caught my eye and gave me what he considered a mutual knowing look. Those damn kids and their noise, in our space, the look said.
Except I wasn't thinking that. Granted, I wasn't in a rush, and the kids were off to the side, so the incident was somewhat contained, but mostly I was rooting for the mom to be able to defuse the situation before it could escalate. I almost went up to her to add a note of support, because I'm sure she felt mortified and felt (even if she didn't see) the smoldering annoyance of the rest of the shop. I opted not to, figuring I'd probably frighten her by going up to her, and she and her boys left within a few minutes anyway.
I've been a little worried about similar situations in public, mostly at church, since everywhere else we've been with Nicholas so far has been pretty noisy anyway, or among friends, where the crying is cute and leads to stories about 3am. It's a little easier with an 8-week-old, because I think most people realize that you can only do so much to stop him from crying. But having kids is hard, if you look around. Sometimes they get tired, or upset, and they don't always know why, and they certainly don't understand how to hold it in and gather themselves (some adults don't either, but that's a separate post). We haven't had to take him out of church yet, but we will at some point. Even so, I feel sometimes like apologizing to the people who sit around us as Mass is set to begin, and probably will get that feeling in other public places, a pre-emptive strike to ward off the look of that man on his way out of the coffee shop, who found his day inconvenienced by a child acting like ... a child.
All of this is by way of preface to noting that I caught the dirty looks everyone gave a mother of two boys this morning in Starbucks, and felt them more acutely than I think I would have three months ago. I'd gone in because I needed some breakfast (and being in Philadelphia, had to pay for it), and Starbucks was offering free pastries. I was calmly sitting and eating my scone when suddenly a little boy, maybe three or four, decided he needed a new one. I don't know what, but he NEEDED a NEW ONE. NOW! It only took about three or four repetitions for his mother to calm him down, and she didn't go up to the counter to get a new anything, so she actually did a remarkable job considering the whole incident lasted about thirty seconds. But in that short time, I glanced around the coffee shop and saw some rolled eyes, and one other customer, a businessman in his forties, caught my eye and gave me what he considered a mutual knowing look. Those damn kids and their noise, in our space, the look said.
Except I wasn't thinking that. Granted, I wasn't in a rush, and the kids were off to the side, so the incident was somewhat contained, but mostly I was rooting for the mom to be able to defuse the situation before it could escalate. I almost went up to her to add a note of support, because I'm sure she felt mortified and felt (even if she didn't see) the smoldering annoyance of the rest of the shop. I opted not to, figuring I'd probably frighten her by going up to her, and she and her boys left within a few minutes anyway.
I've been a little worried about similar situations in public, mostly at church, since everywhere else we've been with Nicholas so far has been pretty noisy anyway, or among friends, where the crying is cute and leads to stories about 3am. It's a little easier with an 8-week-old, because I think most people realize that you can only do so much to stop him from crying. But having kids is hard, if you look around. Sometimes they get tired, or upset, and they don't always know why, and they certainly don't understand how to hold it in and gather themselves (some adults don't either, but that's a separate post). We haven't had to take him out of church yet, but we will at some point. Even so, I feel sometimes like apologizing to the people who sit around us as Mass is set to begin, and probably will get that feeling in other public places, a pre-emptive strike to ward off the look of that man on his way out of the coffee shop, who found his day inconvenienced by a child acting like ... a child.
The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow
Hey, if I can work Little Orphan Annie into my courses, I can work it into blog posts too, right?
Anyway, first I wanted to thank you all for your encouraging thoughts and offers of help. I am so lucky to have such great friends. Just feeling so loved and not so alone makes a big difference. And all the company I'm getting this week can bring me out of even my deepest of funks. You guys are great!
Secondly, an update. I have been feeling a little better each day since I wrote on Sunday. And this morning the doctor called me back and issued the verdict that we are switching to a stronger medicine, although a different strong medicine than he wanted to use the first time. I'm not sure why he made the switch, but when I called the pediatrician's office to talk to them about what to do about Nicholas' food (continue breastfeeding, switch him to formula while pumping and hope that in 4-6 weeks when I'm off the medicine that he'd consent to going back to breastfeeding, or just switch to formula permanently), it turns out that because this new medicine is an over-the-counter one rather than a fancy prescription, it has actually been studied and so they know it is safe. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you had told me a few weeks ago that I would be 100% relieved by this news I wouldn't have believed you, but I really am.
And so I have hope again. I'm starting the new medicine tonight, so we'll see what happens, but I am hoping (and for at least the moment really believe) that I'll be feeling good again soon. And Allison is staying overnight again tonight, so if the new medicine does do something screwy to me, I have backup for Nicholas, which is a huge relief. I am as hopeful now as I was hopeless on Sunday afternoon.
And, on a completely unrelated note, after spitting up all over the onesie he started the day in, Nicholas is in one of his new 6-month summer outfits and looks just so grown up and absolutely adorable that it melts my heart. I will try to post a picture later. :)
Anyway, first I wanted to thank you all for your encouraging thoughts and offers of help. I am so lucky to have such great friends. Just feeling so loved and not so alone makes a big difference. And all the company I'm getting this week can bring me out of even my deepest of funks. You guys are great!
Secondly, an update. I have been feeling a little better each day since I wrote on Sunday. And this morning the doctor called me back and issued the verdict that we are switching to a stronger medicine, although a different strong medicine than he wanted to use the first time. I'm not sure why he made the switch, but when I called the pediatrician's office to talk to them about what to do about Nicholas' food (continue breastfeeding, switch him to formula while pumping and hope that in 4-6 weeks when I'm off the medicine that he'd consent to going back to breastfeeding, or just switch to formula permanently), it turns out that because this new medicine is an over-the-counter one rather than a fancy prescription, it has actually been studied and so they know it is safe. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you had told me a few weeks ago that I would be 100% relieved by this news I wouldn't have believed you, but I really am.
And so I have hope again. I'm starting the new medicine tonight, so we'll see what happens, but I am hoping (and for at least the moment really believe) that I'll be feeling good again soon. And Allison is staying overnight again tonight, so if the new medicine does do something screwy to me, I have backup for Nicholas, which is a huge relief. I am as hopeful now as I was hopeless on Sunday afternoon.
And, on a completely unrelated note, after spitting up all over the onesie he started the day in, Nicholas is in one of his new 6-month summer outfits and looks just so grown up and absolutely adorable that it melts my heart. I will try to post a picture later. :)
Monday, July 20, 2009
Did we pick the right name?
Maybe ten years ago or so, the New York Times ran a Sunday Magazine article on a group of parents, I think on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, who worked feverishly to get their children into a particular trendy/spectacular pre-school, on the theory that this pre-school had an excellent track record of placing its children ... at Ivy League institutions, twelve years after its students left the apparently hallowed halls.
Ivy fever lives today. Sarah sent me a post from a blog called "Ask the Name Lady" in which the erstwhile writer sought advice on "what names are likely to get my kids into a top college." You can never start too early, indeed. Sarah's take was that we had doomed Nicholas's chances at Harvard. And, according to the person who sent in the question, had probably also consigned him to a life at an unseemly state university and a job as an assistant to her Harvard-bound children.
But frankly, since the "Name Lady" counseled that one should pay attention to what Ivy Leaguers are naming their children now, and that she found that "the reigning name choices of Ivy League alums are understated antiques," I think Nicholas will be okay. Frankly, Alexander and Henry were on our initial lists too.
Mostly though—and in this case I want to emphasize the point because people don't always understand my humor (or so I'm told)—I find the whole thing rather amusing. As we all know, the only sure-fire way to get one's child into Harvard, Yale, Stanford, or any of the other top-notch universities is to have your names on a building. So if you're not an Adams or Quincy, a Trumbull or Stiles, I would buy a MegaMillions ticket, because Cambridge could always use a new Center for the Study of Whatever Your New-Found Millions Can Support.
Ivy fever lives today. Sarah sent me a post from a blog called "Ask the Name Lady" in which the erstwhile writer sought advice on "what names are likely to get my kids into a top college." You can never start too early, indeed. Sarah's take was that we had doomed Nicholas's chances at Harvard. And, according to the person who sent in the question, had probably also consigned him to a life at an unseemly state university and a job as an assistant to her Harvard-bound children.
But frankly, since the "Name Lady" counseled that one should pay attention to what Ivy Leaguers are naming their children now, and that she found that "the reigning name choices of Ivy League alums are understated antiques," I think Nicholas will be okay. Frankly, Alexander and Henry were on our initial lists too.
Mostly though—and in this case I want to emphasize the point because people don't always understand my humor (or so I'm told)—I find the whole thing rather amusing. As we all know, the only sure-fire way to get one's child into Harvard, Yale, Stanford, or any of the other top-notch universities is to have your names on a building. So if you're not an Adams or Quincy, a Trumbull or Stiles, I would buy a MegaMillions ticket, because Cambridge could always use a new Center for the Study of Whatever Your New-Found Millions Can Support.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
So sick of feeling sick
I haven't posted an update on my health in awhile, largely because things were going well and I was afraid of jinxing them. Well, things have gone steeply downhill again and I feel the need to whine, so here it goes.
In terms of nausea, after the first two weeks were awful, the days varied between medium and medium-bad for a few weeks. Thanks to the amazing arm-twisting of our school health center, I got in to see the gastrointerologist 2 1/2 weeks ago (instead of 3 days ago like was originally scheduled). He didn't really know what was going on, but had a couple theories that he could test without invasive procedures. One of these was basically that for some reason the hormone shift at Nicholas' birth got my stomach off and for some reason my body hadn't been able to get it back on track and so it was producing too much acid, making me so sick. He wanted me to take a high-power acid reducing medicine to jolt it back into shape, but we didn't know if it was safe for Nicholas, so we decided to start with an over-the-counter version instead. And for the first week it worked beautifully! I actually had a few days where I felt perfect, mixed in with days where I felt pretty good. And then the second week switched to more like a mix of pretty good and not quite as good. I talked to the doctor in the middle of this week and he proclaimed success and said that after one full week of feeling good to wean off the medicine and see if my stomach could maintain the proper levels on its own. And then it went to a mix of not quite as good and a little bad and then out of the blue this morning was awful. I haven't felt that bad in weeks. And it just wouldn't go away! The worst of it faded within a couple hours, but the lingering nausea just wouldn't die. In fact, it is still hanging around, although right this second it is better than it has been all day. I am actually fixing some food for dinner. Let's hope I feel up for eating by the time it is ready.
So I am incredibly frustrated and disappointed, in addition to feeling physically awful. Add to that the fact that Joe left an hour ago for 5 days in Philly (which I was already nervous about), and I feel a little like the walls are closing in. Allison has agreed to come over this evening and overnight and a couple other friends have offered to come up for periods of time to help, which I am extremely grateful for. But even with that help, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to make it if I continue to feel this sick.
I am definitely calling the doctor in the morning, but am not very optimistic because I don't think I'm going to like any of the next set of options. I had just in the past week or so gotten to the point where I actually wanted to keep breastfeeding and was no longer half looking for excuses to stop, so it would be incredibly ironic if now I have to stop because of a medicine. But if that is the best option I guess I have no choice because I just can't take care of him while feeling this awful. I just want to feel better for real and have this behind us. I have been praying so hard for so long that this morning in church I broke down, overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and desperation as I prayed yet again to beat this.
But at least Nicholas is sleeping right now. He needed a nap so desperately and I need a little time to mentally regroup. I think in many ways the disappointment and frustration of today have been as exhausting as the physical feelings. For the first time in weeks I am scared to wake up in the morning tomorrow and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.
In terms of nausea, after the first two weeks were awful, the days varied between medium and medium-bad for a few weeks. Thanks to the amazing arm-twisting of our school health center, I got in to see the gastrointerologist 2 1/2 weeks ago (instead of 3 days ago like was originally scheduled). He didn't really know what was going on, but had a couple theories that he could test without invasive procedures. One of these was basically that for some reason the hormone shift at Nicholas' birth got my stomach off and for some reason my body hadn't been able to get it back on track and so it was producing too much acid, making me so sick. He wanted me to take a high-power acid reducing medicine to jolt it back into shape, but we didn't know if it was safe for Nicholas, so we decided to start with an over-the-counter version instead. And for the first week it worked beautifully! I actually had a few days where I felt perfect, mixed in with days where I felt pretty good. And then the second week switched to more like a mix of pretty good and not quite as good. I talked to the doctor in the middle of this week and he proclaimed success and said that after one full week of feeling good to wean off the medicine and see if my stomach could maintain the proper levels on its own. And then it went to a mix of not quite as good and a little bad and then out of the blue this morning was awful. I haven't felt that bad in weeks. And it just wouldn't go away! The worst of it faded within a couple hours, but the lingering nausea just wouldn't die. In fact, it is still hanging around, although right this second it is better than it has been all day. I am actually fixing some food for dinner. Let's hope I feel up for eating by the time it is ready.
So I am incredibly frustrated and disappointed, in addition to feeling physically awful. Add to that the fact that Joe left an hour ago for 5 days in Philly (which I was already nervous about), and I feel a little like the walls are closing in. Allison has agreed to come over this evening and overnight and a couple other friends have offered to come up for periods of time to help, which I am extremely grateful for. But even with that help, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to make it if I continue to feel this sick.
I am definitely calling the doctor in the morning, but am not very optimistic because I don't think I'm going to like any of the next set of options. I had just in the past week or so gotten to the point where I actually wanted to keep breastfeeding and was no longer half looking for excuses to stop, so it would be incredibly ironic if now I have to stop because of a medicine. But if that is the best option I guess I have no choice because I just can't take care of him while feeling this awful. I just want to feel better for real and have this behind us. I have been praying so hard for so long that this morning in church I broke down, overwhelmed by a sense of hopelessness and desperation as I prayed yet again to beat this.
But at least Nicholas is sleeping right now. He needed a nap so desperately and I need a little time to mentally regroup. I think in many ways the disappointment and frustration of today have been as exhausting as the physical feelings. For the first time in weeks I am scared to wake up in the morning tomorrow and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Onesie That Would Not Compute
We recently got a present from one of Sarah's cousins that included a number of onesies (which are, by the way, very cute). As you may know—depending on your experience with babies—many of the onesies and t-shirts come with little sayings on them. They usually come in one of three types:
"I am MOMMY's hero (when dad's not around)."
If you read the t-shirt literally, "mommy" worships the baby, except when "dad" is around, in which case she worships her husband. (By the way, only I could come up with a way to complain about being idolized.) But that is such an indirect message that it doesn't really make sense. In that formulation, the baby has very little to do with the action of the epigram, which is singularly odd. My guess, then, is that it means to read, "Mommy is my hero (when dad's not around)," which would fit it more firmly in category 2 above. That would be fine with me, of course. But if the shirt was meant to read as written, then I'm somewhat perplexed. Technically, it's not a problem. It just seemed funny (ha-ha and head-scratching) to me.
Mostly though, I've been amused. But if sharing means that someone else can come up with a workable theory, all the better.
- I [the baby] am awesome.
- [Insert title of relative] is awesome.
- I [the baby] am cute and/or mischievious [if a boy] / materialistic/acquisitive [if a girl]
"I am MOMMY's hero (when dad's not around)."
If you read the t-shirt literally, "mommy" worships the baby, except when "dad" is around, in which case she worships her husband. (By the way, only I could come up with a way to complain about being idolized.) But that is such an indirect message that it doesn't really make sense. In that formulation, the baby has very little to do with the action of the epigram, which is singularly odd. My guess, then, is that it means to read, "Mommy is my hero (when dad's not around)," which would fit it more firmly in category 2 above. That would be fine with me, of course. But if the shirt was meant to read as written, then I'm somewhat perplexed. Technically, it's not a problem. It just seemed funny (ha-ha and head-scratching) to me.
Mostly though, I've been amused. But if sharing means that someone else can come up with a workable theory, all the better.
Figuring it Out--Follow Up
Two random lessons we have learned about this age from Nicholas' discovery of how to make his toys move while in his chair (written about here):
- Apparently babies can feel a sense of pride in accomplishment at 7 weeks old. Who knew? But Nicholas definitely knows the difference when I make his toys move and when he does it himself and watching his reactions is amazing. Last weekend I noticed that if I rocked his chair to make the toys move he looked at them with interest, but if he kicked and made them move his entire face lit up in a grin.
- His memory is getting pretty good. It is now a week since he first figured this trick out and it is now at the point where before I can even start buckling him in, he is staring intently at his toys and kicking. He remembers exactly what to do.
And another random note on this topic: the middle toy has a pull string that makes it play a song. From the way Nicholas looks at that toy sometimes I think he is now trying to figure out how he can make it play the song without us having to do it for him. I admire his desire to move on to figuring out the next thing, but I feel bad because there is no physical way he can accomplish it right now. Even if he had the ability to control his hands enough to grab and pull the string, the toys are too far away for his little arms to reach.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I couldn't have said it better
There have been a few posts I have contemplated writing over the past couple months but either couldn't figure out how to do so or decided they were too involved to try to tap out with one finger while Nicholas was eating (the way I write most posts). But some friends of friends whose blogs I sometimes read have recently posted related entries that seem like good jumping off points and since Nicholas is at least temporarily asleep, I'll give this a shot.
"Your child will die . . ."
As you all probably know, I am a natural worrier. But given all the messages sent to new parents, I think I am actually doing quite well. What I refer to as the "baby industry" is very much like the wedding industry (meaning absolutely insane), but with added medical sides and much higher stakes. Every piece of parenting advice and every baby-related product comes with the warning that if you don't do something exactly right or buy x thing, you child will die or be scarred or disadvantaged for life. It was easy to laugh at the makeup artist who insisted that I absolutely could not get married without fake eyelashes, but much harder to laugh off claims that are probably equally absurd but involve my son's life or well-being. I read a good book while pregnant called Parenting, Inc. on this topic, and this blog writes about this phenomenon in a much more entertaining way than I could, if you're interested.
Is something wrong with me?
Another blogger recently wrote a post about his difficulty feeling connected with his children while they were infants and his corresponding feelings and fears of inadequacy or unnaturalness. I know some people feel an immediate deep connection with their children upon birth, but I'm with this guy--it takes me time to really bond. In my case it was more like 3-4 weeks than 6 months, but I think it is important to acknowledge this because we are bombarded with messages in our culture that suggest that if you don't immediately fall completely head over heels, you are an unnatural parent.
I struggled with this a lot in the first few weeks. An immediate feeling of responsibility? Definitely. Of protectiveness? Sure. Willing to do anything he needed? Yes. And so, yes, I loved him from the beginning. But not the mushy gushy sentimental love or the feeling of deep connection that everyone talks about and is portrayed in movies. Add to that some moments of frustration and even resentment and you have the recipe for crying spells where I insisted that I was a horrible mother and there was something wrong with me. Yes, because those are exactly the feelings that make it easier to take care of a newborn on no sleep while feeling horribly sick.
And so, both to clear my conscience and as a public service announcement (and because reading that other blog entry gave me courage), I admit that it took me a few weeks to really feel deeply connected with Nicholas. Probably not coincidentally this happened at about the same time that he really began to interact with us and exhibit personality. From what I've read this seems to be more common for fathers, but in our case for whatever reason it took me longer than Joe. I insist (or at least I hope) that lots of people probably have these thoughts but that we're all too scared of being thought of as bad parents to voice them. And so, if you fall head over heels for your child at birth, great, but if you don't, don't worry it will happen and you do no one (including the baby) any favors by beating yourself up. Call me instead.
"Your child will die . . ."
As you all probably know, I am a natural worrier. But given all the messages sent to new parents, I think I am actually doing quite well. What I refer to as the "baby industry" is very much like the wedding industry (meaning absolutely insane), but with added medical sides and much higher stakes. Every piece of parenting advice and every baby-related product comes with the warning that if you don't do something exactly right or buy x thing, you child will die or be scarred or disadvantaged for life. It was easy to laugh at the makeup artist who insisted that I absolutely could not get married without fake eyelashes, but much harder to laugh off claims that are probably equally absurd but involve my son's life or well-being. I read a good book while pregnant called Parenting, Inc. on this topic, and this blog writes about this phenomenon in a much more entertaining way than I could, if you're interested.
Is something wrong with me?
Another blogger recently wrote a post about his difficulty feeling connected with his children while they were infants and his corresponding feelings and fears of inadequacy or unnaturalness. I know some people feel an immediate deep connection with their children upon birth, but I'm with this guy--it takes me time to really bond. In my case it was more like 3-4 weeks than 6 months, but I think it is important to acknowledge this because we are bombarded with messages in our culture that suggest that if you don't immediately fall completely head over heels, you are an unnatural parent.
I struggled with this a lot in the first few weeks. An immediate feeling of responsibility? Definitely. Of protectiveness? Sure. Willing to do anything he needed? Yes. And so, yes, I loved him from the beginning. But not the mushy gushy sentimental love or the feeling of deep connection that everyone talks about and is portrayed in movies. Add to that some moments of frustration and even resentment and you have the recipe for crying spells where I insisted that I was a horrible mother and there was something wrong with me. Yes, because those are exactly the feelings that make it easier to take care of a newborn on no sleep while feeling horribly sick.
And so, both to clear my conscience and as a public service announcement (and because reading that other blog entry gave me courage), I admit that it took me a few weeks to really feel deeply connected with Nicholas. Probably not coincidentally this happened at about the same time that he really began to interact with us and exhibit personality. From what I've read this seems to be more common for fathers, but in our case for whatever reason it took me longer than Joe. I insist (or at least I hope) that lots of people probably have these thoughts but that we're all too scared of being thought of as bad parents to voice them. And so, if you fall head over heels for your child at birth, great, but if you don't, don't worry it will happen and you do no one (including the baby) any favors by beating yourself up. Call me instead.
Nursery in Use
We started transitioning Nicholas from the pack n' play in our room to the crib in his nursery two nights ago and so far, so good (knock on wood). The first night he did a series of 2-hour-ish shifts, which isn't good but honestly is as good as he generally does in the pack n' play. And last night he did two 3-hour shifts. Now, I know 6 hours of sleep is not nearly enough, but it is as good as we get from him, so I'll take it. We can't get our monitor to work without crazy beeps, but the apartment is small enough that with both doors open we can hear him, at least by the time he is screaming. I'd like to hear him before that, but on the other hand it means we can stop being woken up every time he makes noises in his sleep. I think last night I had the best night's sleep I've had since he was born.
On a related note, we've started using the term "big boy" to refer to older baby (as opposed to newborn) things, leading to some oxymoronic terms, such as "big boy crib" and "big boy pacifier." But he does seem so grown up these days. And he definitely is growing. We've had to put away some of our favorite sleepers because he couldn't straighten out his legs anymore. (I haven't been too big on the newborn stage (which may be a post if Nicholas stays asleep a little longer), but I got really sentimental at putting some of those away.) Even though his legs seem really short, for some reason the 3-month onesies still fit fine (well, most of them) but the sleepers with feet are just too short. He looks like he is swimming in the 6-month sleepers and shorts outfits we picked up, but I'm hoping that means he can wear them through the summer.
On a related note, we've started using the term "big boy" to refer to older baby (as opposed to newborn) things, leading to some oxymoronic terms, such as "big boy crib" and "big boy pacifier." But he does seem so grown up these days. And he definitely is growing. We've had to put away some of our favorite sleepers because he couldn't straighten out his legs anymore. (I haven't been too big on the newborn stage (which may be a post if Nicholas stays asleep a little longer), but I got really sentimental at putting some of those away.) Even though his legs seem really short, for some reason the 3-month onesies still fit fine (well, most of them) but the sleepers with feet are just too short. He looks like he is swimming in the 6-month sleepers and shorts outfits we picked up, but I'm hoping that means he can wear them through the summer.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
All-Star Game
For those of you who aren't baseball fans (frankly, I assume that's most of you), tonight is the All-Star Game. And so, of course, Nicholas has been wearing baseball-themed outfits all day.
Though, as Sarah points out, he also pooped through two other outfits to get to the baseball ones.
Anyway, here's a little preview. We've also posted more new photos and videos in the Peanut Gallery, Month 2 album.
The daytime outfit:
And his pajamas:
Though, as Sarah points out, he also pooped through two other outfits to get to the baseball ones.
Anyway, here's a little preview. We've also posted more new photos and videos in the Peanut Gallery, Month 2 album.
The daytime outfit:
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| From Nicholas - Month 2 |
And his pajamas:
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| From Nicholas - Month 2 |
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sleepy Mommy
Nicholas doesn't really sleep any more at night now than he did at a week old and apparently my body has decided that it has had enough and is taking matters into its own hands, falling asleep while I'm nursing at night. (And, yes, that is intentionally written in the third person because I'm not making any conscious decision.)
The up side to this is that I get a little more sleep. In fact, it really is the only feasible way to piece together anything resembling a reasonable amount. However, it means I can't monitor Nicholas' eating. Don't worry, he is perfectly safe and between my arm and pillow is in no danger of falling. But one of two things happen. Either he comes off at some point and falls asleep and by the time I wake up is so deeply asleep that I can't wake him enough to eat on the other side (in which case I put him in bed and he is up in half an hour hungry), or (as happened last night) he just keeps going for the entire time (1 1/2 hours!!!) until I wake up.
In addition to the ouch factor of the second scenario, these both have the effect of getting him in the habit of snacking all night, precisely the opposite of what I want. If this keeps happening Joe might have to forgo the couple extra hours of sleep he's been getting a night to get up with us and keep me awake.
The up side to this is that I get a little more sleep. In fact, it really is the only feasible way to piece together anything resembling a reasonable amount. However, it means I can't monitor Nicholas' eating. Don't worry, he is perfectly safe and between my arm and pillow is in no danger of falling. But one of two things happen. Either he comes off at some point and falls asleep and by the time I wake up is so deeply asleep that I can't wake him enough to eat on the other side (in which case I put him in bed and he is up in half an hour hungry), or (as happened last night) he just keeps going for the entire time (1 1/2 hours!!!) until I wake up.
In addition to the ouch factor of the second scenario, these both have the effect of getting him in the habit of snacking all night, precisely the opposite of what I want. If this keeps happening Joe might have to forgo the couple extra hours of sleep he's been getting a night to get up with us and keep me awake.
Poopies Everywhere
I knew cleaning up poop came with having a baby, but I never foresaw having to clean it off the kitchen floor.
I went to change Nicholas' diaper this morning, but partway through I realized from the look on his face that he probably wasn't done. So I decided to fix myself breakfast while he finished. I was standing in the kitchen holding him dressed in just a diaper when suddenly there was an erruption and poop everywhere!
I guess because my hand was under his butt, the runny yellow baby poop shot up the back and out the top of the diaper, all over me and the kitchen floor. Awesomeness.
I went to change Nicholas' diaper this morning, but partway through I realized from the look on his face that he probably wasn't done. So I decided to fix myself breakfast while he finished. I was standing in the kitchen holding him dressed in just a diaper when suddenly there was an erruption and poop everywhere!
I guess because my hand was under his butt, the runny yellow baby poop shot up the back and out the top of the diaper, all over me and the kitchen floor. Awesomeness.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Singing and Dancing
Joe and I switched shifts today so I could go to a friend's dissertation defense in the morning, and so I had Nicholas for his super-alert and energized block of playtime this afternoon. He did about 5 minutes of tummy time before getting annoyed and I was able to see what Joe has been talking about with how much longer and more steadily Nicholas can hold his head up now. Then I played with him on his back for awhile, with Nicholas laughing the sillier my voice was and the more I beeped him on the nose. When I ran out of ideas I turned on the radio and sang along while helping Nicholas dance by moving his arms and legs. He loved it, but I never realized how risque most songs on the radio are until I was singing them to a baby. Then I picked him up to dance, but apparently that either scared or overwhelmed him and playtime was over.
I'm going to have to get better at playtime with Joe going to Philly for a week.
I'm going to have to get better at playtime with Joe going to Philly for a week.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Figuring it Out
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| From Nicholas - Month 2 |
Today Nicholas was looking intently at the toys that hang above his vibrating chair and eventually he figured out that if he kicked his legs hard enough he could make the chair rock a little and make the toys swing. Oh, fun! That discovery bought us 10 extra minutes to eat our dinner in peace. And it is so fun to watch him learn new things. Sometimes I swear you can see his brain working.
Snugglesaurus
Thankfully Nicholas has always liked to be held more than his daddy did as a baby (at least from the stories I've heard), but he's never been a big fan of snuggling while awake. If he fell asleep eating he was more likely to stay asleep if we were holding him than if we put him down, but that was about it. But several times this past week he has been awake when he finished eating and then curled up into me and snuggled in until peacefully until he drifted off to sleep. I absolutely love snuggle time! It really is the best thing ever.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Playdates
Some friends of ours have a daughter who is about 2 weeks older than Nicholas and they arrived back in town last week for the first time since the kids were born. We hung out with them at a couple of the guys' softball games last week, and the kids had their first official "playdate" yesterday. Okay, so they are way to young to have any idea what is going on, but the playdate is great for me. It is nice to have someone to talk to who is going through all the same things. It is therapeutic to talk to someone who you know understands, and sometimes great ideas or tips emerge. For example, yesterday I was introduced to the wonders of the black and white board book, which I then picked up two of for Nicholas when I was working at the public library later in the day. Since they are library books, we can only keep them for 6 weeks, but I figure that by then he will have moved on to a different stage anyway, right?
And the babies' reaction to these meetings? Mostly oblivious, although they each have had a moment when the other was crying where they looked confused. We assume they were thinking, "Wait, I hear crying, but I'm not making the noise. What is going on?"
And the babies' reaction to these meetings? Mostly oblivious, although they each have had a moment when the other was crying where they looked confused. We assume they were thinking, "Wait, I hear crying, but I'm not making the noise. What is going on?"
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Reassurance
I worry. It's just what I do. And, actually, I've been much better with Nicholas than I would have expected. (No frantic late-night calls to the pediatrician or my mom!) But I still sometimes worry. Is he getting enough to eat? Is his food nutritious enough given my frequent diet of saltines? Is he getting enough sleep? Too much since we tend to put him in sleep-inducing places when he gets cranky? Do we talk to him and hold him enough? And millions more.
But you can't look at the child in this video (or the other new ones in The Peanut Gallery) and worry at all about his well-being.
Thanks, buddy, for the reassurance that you are doing just fine.
But you can't look at the child in this video (or the other new ones in The Peanut Gallery) and worry at all about his well-being.
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| From Nicholas - Month 2 |
Thanks, buddy, for the reassurance that you are doing just fine.
Growth Spurt
We think Nicholas may have had his 6-week growth spurt this week. It is amazing how dramatic these growth spurts are. We looked at him 2 days ago and said, "Is it just us or is your head bigger?" and then yesterday he just seemed so big and his legs seemed suddenly chunky. And since he is now insisting on eating again when he just finished a long meal half an hour ago, he may not be done with this spurt yet.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Nap Wars
I don't think Nicholas has taken a nap longer than 30 minutes in a bed in probably 3 weeks. Usually we can't even finish setting him down before he is screaming bloody murder. It isn't that he isn't tired or that he won't sleep, but just that he won't sleep in his crib or pack n' play. He'll sleep in our arms, in his swing, in his carseat, in the stroller, in his vibrating chair, but not in a bed.
Currently he is sitting next to me asleep in his chair. I'm not really complaining because at least he is asleep, but I worry about this becomming a long-term habit (as well as the effects on his back if he always naps in these weird positions). And since I wasn't able to get him properly belted in before he fell asleep, I don't feel comfortable going to take a nap myself. At least I can get some schoolwork done, something he hasn't let me do yet during my morning childcare shift.
Currently he is sitting next to me asleep in his chair. I'm not really complaining because at least he is asleep, but I worry about this becomming a long-term habit (as well as the effects on his back if he always naps in these weird positions). And since I wasn't able to get him properly belted in before he fell asleep, I don't feel comfortable going to take a nap myself. At least I can get some schoolwork done, something he hasn't let me do yet during my morning childcare shift.
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