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| From 2013 September |
We did some hiking, stayed in "the barn house" again, picked a few more apples, went to a festival, and in general had a wonderful time.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Vermont Sneak-Peek
Nicholas and I went to Vermont for the weekend to meet up with my parents and some of my mom's family. I have every intention of writing more later, but for now here is a sneak peek:
We did some hiking, stayed in "the barn house" again, picked a few more apples, went to a festival, and in general had a wonderful time.
We did some hiking, stayed in "the barn house" again, picked a few more apples, went to a festival, and in general had a wonderful time.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Self-portrait
Nicholas has been drawing a lot of self portraits recently and they have gotten more sophisticated:
The circle under his face is his chin, according to him.
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| From 2013 September |
The circle under his face is his chin, according to him.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Grandma O. and Baby Sister
"It is sad that Grandma O'Grady will never know my little sister and my little sister will never know Grandma O'Grady."
and then, as he saw the sad look on my face:
"But when you go to heaven you will see Grandma O'Grady again. And when my baby sister goes to heaven she will see Grandma O'Grady. And then Grandma O'Grady can meet my baby sister!"
Nicholas doesn't remember my grandmother because she died when he was 1, but he has been talking about her a lot as he tries to figure out the concept of death.
and then, as he saw the sad look on my face:
"But when you go to heaven you will see Grandma O'Grady again. And when my baby sister goes to heaven she will see Grandma O'Grady. And then Grandma O'Grady can meet my baby sister!"
Nicholas doesn't remember my grandmother because she died when he was 1, but he has been talking about her a lot as he tries to figure out the concept of death.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
When I am a Daddy
Nicholas often talks about things he will do and/or say when he is a Daddy. Sometimes these are rules he will enforce or things he will do with his kids and sometimes he is just using "when I am a Daddy" as a stand-in for when he is an adult. Today's was priceless:
Setting: on the way to the grocery store to pick up cottage cheese for the baked ziti we were making for dinner
N: How do you make baked ziti?
S: You make a tomato sauce, cook pasta, mix in cottage cheese, eggs, and mozzarella cheese, and then bake it.
N: Oh, okay. (pause) Mommy, can you tell me that a lot of times so that when I'm a Daddy I know how to make it for my kids?
S: Sure, bud. How about if when we get home you help make it so you can learn?
N: Yay!!!! Thank you, Mommy!
Heart melting.
Setting: on the way to the grocery store to pick up cottage cheese for the baked ziti we were making for dinner
N: How do you make baked ziti?
S: You make a tomato sauce, cook pasta, mix in cottage cheese, eggs, and mozzarella cheese, and then bake it.
N: Oh, okay. (pause) Mommy, can you tell me that a lot of times so that when I'm a Daddy I know how to make it for my kids?
S: Sure, bud. How about if when we get home you help make it so you can learn?
N: Yay!!!! Thank you, Mommy!
Heart melting.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Soccer
Nicholas asked a couple times over the summer if he could take gymnastics classes again (he did a mommy and me set of sessions the spring right before he turned 3) and so after the second or third time he brought it up, I promised him that he could this fall. Afterall, we were going to be in town for 11 of the 12 Saturdays for once (benefit of pregnancy travel restrictions). And I have gotten disillusioned with the swim lessons he was doing Saturday mornings at various points in the past year, so there was nothing else on his schedule. And he is old enough that he didn't need a parent.
He brought it up again yesterday morning, asking when gymnastics classes start. Oh shoot! Yesterday was the first day and it was only 7am, so we had 2 hours left before the class, but I had never registered him. I had even printed out the registration form, but never actually finished filling it out. What are the chances that there were spaces left? I told him we'd call when they opened and he eagerly went and got dressed and all ready so that he'd be ready to go if they had spaces. And every 10 minutes he asked if it was time to call yet. I called a few minutes after 8. And the guy who answered the phone had to work hard not to laugh at me. Spots left in the Saturday morning session? Are you kidding me? Of course there are spots left in every weekday morning session, but I can't really do 10am classes on Wednesdays. (Nor can most other people, hence the fact that he had to work not to laugh at the crazy woman calling on the first day thinking she'd get a spot in a Saturday session.)
Nicholas was distraught. He collapsed in completely heartbroken tears. And I walked into the bedroom and woke Joe up with the simple line, "We are horrible parents."
After comforting Nicholas for a few minutes, I went into problem-solving mode. I screwed up on gymnastics. So I needed to fix it. If he couldn't do gymnastics, was there something else he could do for the fall? I remembered getting ads for soccer lessons for an indoor place here in town, so I looked it up. Yep, classes started this weekend as well. And there were 8:30 and 9:30 classes for his age group. But the key question, were there any spaces left?
So I called. The 9:30 class was full, but there were still 2 spots left in the 8:30. I looked at the clock. It was now 8:25. "If we come over right now, can we have a spot? We will probably be 10 minutes late, is that okay?" He assured me it would be fine. I told Nicholas, who rejoiced, and then threw on clothes and raced over. We walked in the door and the man at the desk was so nice and took pity on me. "Go ahead and take him in--they are on field B. Then you can come back to do paperwork." Oh, thank you. So Nicholas and I rushed to find his group and we walked in through the fencing towards the other kids and who should we see running away from the group towards the parents but one of the kids from Nicholas' preschool! Beautiful! And it was actually perfect because his friend was having trouble staying with the kids when he could see that his mom was there. But once Nicholas joined the group, they had each other and he was fine.
And so Nicholas is now in soccer:
He brought it up again yesterday morning, asking when gymnastics classes start. Oh shoot! Yesterday was the first day and it was only 7am, so we had 2 hours left before the class, but I had never registered him. I had even printed out the registration form, but never actually finished filling it out. What are the chances that there were spaces left? I told him we'd call when they opened and he eagerly went and got dressed and all ready so that he'd be ready to go if they had spaces. And every 10 minutes he asked if it was time to call yet. I called a few minutes after 8. And the guy who answered the phone had to work hard not to laugh at me. Spots left in the Saturday morning session? Are you kidding me? Of course there are spots left in every weekday morning session, but I can't really do 10am classes on Wednesdays. (Nor can most other people, hence the fact that he had to work not to laugh at the crazy woman calling on the first day thinking she'd get a spot in a Saturday session.)
Nicholas was distraught. He collapsed in completely heartbroken tears. And I walked into the bedroom and woke Joe up with the simple line, "We are horrible parents."
After comforting Nicholas for a few minutes, I went into problem-solving mode. I screwed up on gymnastics. So I needed to fix it. If he couldn't do gymnastics, was there something else he could do for the fall? I remembered getting ads for soccer lessons for an indoor place here in town, so I looked it up. Yep, classes started this weekend as well. And there were 8:30 and 9:30 classes for his age group. But the key question, were there any spaces left?
So I called. The 9:30 class was full, but there were still 2 spots left in the 8:30. I looked at the clock. It was now 8:25. "If we come over right now, can we have a spot? We will probably be 10 minutes late, is that okay?" He assured me it would be fine. I told Nicholas, who rejoiced, and then threw on clothes and raced over. We walked in the door and the man at the desk was so nice and took pity on me. "Go ahead and take him in--they are on field B. Then you can come back to do paperwork." Oh, thank you. So Nicholas and I rushed to find his group and we walked in through the fencing towards the other kids and who should we see running away from the group towards the parents but one of the kids from Nicholas' preschool! Beautiful! And it was actually perfect because his friend was having trouble staying with the kids when he could see that his mom was there. But once Nicholas joined the group, they had each other and he was fine.
And so Nicholas is now in soccer:
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| From 2013 September |
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Fall is Here
Classes started last week and so there is no longer any denying that fall has arrived. And my emotions are all over the map. I am energized and yet weary, frustrated and yet optimistic, anxious and yet feeling like things are under control, counting down the days with excited anticipation and yet also with a sense of impending dread. And, as is obvious from the previous sentence, totally out of sorts.
The semester starting is the proximate cause. I love teaching and having students again and my routine and my colleagues back is energizing. I get an absurd adrenaline from my work. And yet all of that also brings a more demanding schedule and a new set of challenges. I worked hard all summer, but there were only 6 hours a week that I needed to wear real clothes or appear professional and most of my work could be done from home. And it was summer so the bar was lower on attire anyway. And the setup of my classroom was such that it worked perfectly well for me to spend most of class sitting on a table at the front of class. My fall classrooms are not as conducive to sitting down and there are also just a lot more hours of class time and so I alternate class between sitting/perching in awkward positions and feeling faint or in pain while standing up. Not to mention the fact that people are always stopping by my office now, so I need to present professionally there as well.
At the same time that I need to resume a more professional appearance, the pregnancy has reached the point where that is easier said than done. The veins in my left leg have been pretty hideous for months and months but have now gotten downright painful and really problematic. If I want to not be in pain, I have to keep my feet up most of the time. How exactly do you run 6 hours of class in a row with your feet up? Exactly. Not to mention the colleague who insists on making a crack every time he comes in my office to the effect that I am just lounging around relaxing. Seriously, I can type just as well with my feet up on a chair as down under the desk. But the last thing I need right now is people questioning my ability to work or my work ethic. Can I get a little credit for the fact that I continue to do about 100 times as much departmental service as he does WHILE growing a human being and never complaining or asking for an out?! Does it really hurt him if I put my feet up in my own office? (Insert gender rant here.)
The start of the semester has also ramped up my anxiety about when Cashew will arrive. I have this feeling she will be early and at this point I'm really just hoping it is no more than a week or so early. I have a plan in place for this semester that is going to be a difficult balancing act, but will work, as long as she isn't born before November. If she comes earlier or if I can no longer go into work at any point before that, the whole plan falls apart and comes crashing down. And it will crash down on the heads of so many people and I feel responsible for shielding everyone. And so I am really really really nervous about what will happen.
I had such a rough time when Nicholas was a newborn that I figured this time around I wouldn't be as eager to get to the end of the pregnancy, and that is mostly true but altered by a more difficult pregnancy. I remember looking at pregnant women in stores when Nicholas was a newborn and feeling so envious and thinking that they didn't know how lucky they were to still be pregnant. And so while I want to meet this little girl, I am not eager for her to be born because I am fearful of the first couple months. But in another 6 weeks I think I will be so sick of being pregnant that I will have changed my mind (I secretly suspect that is why God made the last trimester miserable--so you'd welcome sleepless nights and a crying newborn). I expected to be sick of it by now, given that I've been pregnant for basically a year already, but for the most part I was still doing okay until the last couple weeks. There have been some bumps and the exhaustion from anemia in July/August was difficult, but it wasn't until the last couple weeks that I have started to crack. The legs are what has really pushed me over the edge because I feel so incapacitated. I limp around the house and gchat Joe to do things like bring me water because just getting up and walking to the kitchen messes with my circulation. It's also a scary feeling to be able to both see and feel the blood rushing down your legs when you stand up and unnerves me a bunch. The list of things I'm supposed to avoid eating and drinking also seems to get longer all the time and makes me feel a little like I'm trapped in a cage. And even stupid things like the pills I'm taking are grating on me. I have to take the iron pills with orange juice and avoid calcium within two hours of taking them. But calcium-based products are basically all I eat/drink. And I have two of those plus a prenatal vitamin and they are supposed to be spread out throughout the day. And if I don't have the exact right about of food in my system with each, I feel sick or even throw up. In the grand scheme of things it isn't actually a big deal, but it goes with that feeling of being trapped by what I can and can't eat and drink because it feels like I have to so carefully map out my food/drink/pill plan for the day.
I am very well aware of how lucky I am. I have a job I love, the baby is healthy, and so far at least the pregnancy issues I have don't even rise to the level of the term "complications." I'm just feeling frazzled and tired and stressed out and so having some more trouble with perspective. The arrival of fall simultaneously changed our routine and triggered the "the baby is almost here" mental shift. And there are both positives and negatives to each of these. I'm just feeling so out of control of my life, which is not a place I am comfortable being.
The semester starting is the proximate cause. I love teaching and having students again and my routine and my colleagues back is energizing. I get an absurd adrenaline from my work. And yet all of that also brings a more demanding schedule and a new set of challenges. I worked hard all summer, but there were only 6 hours a week that I needed to wear real clothes or appear professional and most of my work could be done from home. And it was summer so the bar was lower on attire anyway. And the setup of my classroom was such that it worked perfectly well for me to spend most of class sitting on a table at the front of class. My fall classrooms are not as conducive to sitting down and there are also just a lot more hours of class time and so I alternate class between sitting/perching in awkward positions and feeling faint or in pain while standing up. Not to mention the fact that people are always stopping by my office now, so I need to present professionally there as well.
At the same time that I need to resume a more professional appearance, the pregnancy has reached the point where that is easier said than done. The veins in my left leg have been pretty hideous for months and months but have now gotten downright painful and really problematic. If I want to not be in pain, I have to keep my feet up most of the time. How exactly do you run 6 hours of class in a row with your feet up? Exactly. Not to mention the colleague who insists on making a crack every time he comes in my office to the effect that I am just lounging around relaxing. Seriously, I can type just as well with my feet up on a chair as down under the desk. But the last thing I need right now is people questioning my ability to work or my work ethic. Can I get a little credit for the fact that I continue to do about 100 times as much departmental service as he does WHILE growing a human being and never complaining or asking for an out?! Does it really hurt him if I put my feet up in my own office? (Insert gender rant here.)
The start of the semester has also ramped up my anxiety about when Cashew will arrive. I have this feeling she will be early and at this point I'm really just hoping it is no more than a week or so early. I have a plan in place for this semester that is going to be a difficult balancing act, but will work, as long as she isn't born before November. If she comes earlier or if I can no longer go into work at any point before that, the whole plan falls apart and comes crashing down. And it will crash down on the heads of so many people and I feel responsible for shielding everyone. And so I am really really really nervous about what will happen.
I had such a rough time when Nicholas was a newborn that I figured this time around I wouldn't be as eager to get to the end of the pregnancy, and that is mostly true but altered by a more difficult pregnancy. I remember looking at pregnant women in stores when Nicholas was a newborn and feeling so envious and thinking that they didn't know how lucky they were to still be pregnant. And so while I want to meet this little girl, I am not eager for her to be born because I am fearful of the first couple months. But in another 6 weeks I think I will be so sick of being pregnant that I will have changed my mind (I secretly suspect that is why God made the last trimester miserable--so you'd welcome sleepless nights and a crying newborn). I expected to be sick of it by now, given that I've been pregnant for basically a year already, but for the most part I was still doing okay until the last couple weeks. There have been some bumps and the exhaustion from anemia in July/August was difficult, but it wasn't until the last couple weeks that I have started to crack. The legs are what has really pushed me over the edge because I feel so incapacitated. I limp around the house and gchat Joe to do things like bring me water because just getting up and walking to the kitchen messes with my circulation. It's also a scary feeling to be able to both see and feel the blood rushing down your legs when you stand up and unnerves me a bunch. The list of things I'm supposed to avoid eating and drinking also seems to get longer all the time and makes me feel a little like I'm trapped in a cage. And even stupid things like the pills I'm taking are grating on me. I have to take the iron pills with orange juice and avoid calcium within two hours of taking them. But calcium-based products are basically all I eat/drink. And I have two of those plus a prenatal vitamin and they are supposed to be spread out throughout the day. And if I don't have the exact right about of food in my system with each, I feel sick or even throw up. In the grand scheme of things it isn't actually a big deal, but it goes with that feeling of being trapped by what I can and can't eat and drink because it feels like I have to so carefully map out my food/drink/pill plan for the day.
I am very well aware of how lucky I am. I have a job I love, the baby is healthy, and so far at least the pregnancy issues I have don't even rise to the level of the term "complications." I'm just feeling frazzled and tired and stressed out and so having some more trouble with perspective. The arrival of fall simultaneously changed our routine and triggered the "the baby is almost here" mental shift. And there are both positives and negatives to each of these. I'm just feeling so out of control of my life, which is not a place I am comfortable being.
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