School and Mommy Guilt

According to Nicholas' teacher he had "his best day yet" today. This was confirmed by the fact that when I arrived he was happy to see me but then wanted me to watch him play instead of going home. His teacher and I theorized a little about what may have made the difference, but decided to try repeating some of those things tomorrow and see how he does. Neither of us is convinced it wasn't a random fluke, but the fact that he could have such a good day there is a good sign.

I am not quite as optimistic about tomorrow now, though, given that he will be going in tired. He went to bed at normal time, but 45 minutes later he was crying pathetically to me and it took me an hour to get him back to silence. I have the feeling he didn't fall asleep at all in those first 45 minutes and so I'm just hoping he is really asleep now. But even if he is, that is 2 1/2 hours short of sleep.

When I went to him tonight he was so pathetic, just wanting me to hold him. As long as I was holding him, he was perfectly quiet and content, but if I tried to put him down he went absolutely ballistic. I tried all my tricks, including promising that I'd play with him in the morning before school. He finally agreed to lie down as long as I stayed in his room and held his hand. So I did that for a bit, while he lay there breaking my heart as he recited, "In morning play my dollhouse with my Mommy. But have to sleep first. After nap both play my dollhouse. My Mommy play my dollhouse." The exact words varied, but you get the idea.

Between that, the horrible dropoffs, and the fact that he has recently started begging me to watch him while he does everything, I am feeling some serious Mommy guilt. I haven't felt guilty like this about daycare since he first started a year and a half ago. I guess because I quickly learned that he was happier at his old school than he was with me. And that just doesn't seem to apply right now.

So is it the 6 weeks we spent together on a host of crazy adventures or is this school just not a good fit? And, either way, what do we do to fix this?