Sunday, June 7, 2009

Unexpected Trials

Nicholas is doing wonderfully. In fact, the past couple days he has been turning into the perfect baby. He has even started sleeping in 4-hour stretches at night (knock on wood).

I, however, am not doing very well. The nausea I thought I had beaten comes back for at least a couple hours each day, sometimes so badly I can't stand it. The doctors don't have any ideas, but my best guess is that it is caused by my inability to get enough calories to make Nicholas' food. The milk is fine, but basically your body takes from you to make sure the baby gets what it needs. And I don't have fat reserves for my body to turn to so my body is self-destructing. I try to snack constantly, but I just can't eat enough and I'm so sick of food and having to think about food constantly. It doesn't help that all I feel up for is crackers and fruit, which is not exactly high-calorie. I resorted to the nutrition supplement drinks and was so hopeful, but even after two of those in the last 12 hours and a big breakfast, the nausea hit again this morning. I am getting desperate and tempted to give up, even though it seems like such a shame since he is doing so well at breastfeeding and I've now gotten to the stage where I have so much milk that quitting will be extremely painful. But this is just absurd.

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