Lest you think all is sunshine and roses here because those are the times I write, our little darling did NOT have a good day today. When I walked into his preschool this afternoon, his teacher turned to him and said, "Let's go have a chat with Mommy." Uh oh. I've heard that line before with other kids. That means he got in trouble. And not the standard getting reminded to use his "walking feet" trouble. Real trouble.
It turns out that Nicholas didn't want to sleep at naptime. Okay, not great, but that doesn't warrant a talk with the teacher. He apparently decided no one else should sleep either and was singing loudly, taking toys down, and being a nuisance. And, worst of all, when his teacher asked him to stop and reminded him of why he needed to be quiet, he gave her some serious backtalk. Apparently he told her that he wasn't going to listen to her, that he didn't listen to the other teacher either, and that he wasn't going to sleep because he had to be silly.
I believe the teacher, but I was also shocked to hear this report. Not that Nicholas is an angel, but I've never heard him talk back to that extent before or continue pushing that hard. And certainly not with a teacher. But because he was so exhausted (no nap, remember?), he wasn't able to explain anything to me because all he could do was laugh and cry. We may try talking about it again in the morning.
But it was clear to him that we took this very seriously. When we got home I told Joe all about it with Nicholas listening. I tried to get him to tell Joe, but he knew by this point he was in trouble and just kept burying his head and trying to get snuggles. And he lost both tv and all games for the night. And was in bed at 6:45. We were not as hard on him as he had begun to expect, however. When we told him no tv and no games tonight, he responded with, "And no dinner?" But, no, we fed him. And bathed him. And gave him hugs and reminded him how much we love him. But I struggled. How do you walk that line between not comforting away the feelings of knowing he messed up but making sure he knows you still love him and will no matter what?
The way you parent will remind him that you love him no matter what, even if you need to punish him for messing up. They will judge moments for a moment, but if he sees you love him 98% of of the time and he has no reason to doubt it, he will understand in the long run why you are not fawning over him for a bit. (Please know that I'm using weird words like "fawning" because I can't think of the right words, not that I believe you actually fawn over him!)
ReplyDeletePart of the theory behind using the Time Out method, which works for Abby more than 100% of the time, is that once the time out is done you ask them what was wrong, then tell them that you love them and give a big hug.