It is 3am and I am up obsessing about daycare. We have finally gotten serious about looking for daycare for Cashew and it is frustrating and driving me a little insane. Our ideal is 3 days a week at a home-based daycare for the spring and summer, with the plan to re-evaluate in the fall based in part on what the situation is with Nicholas' kindergarten options.
The problem is that finding home daycare options is ridiculously tricky if you don't have a large network of people to use as references. Most don't have much of an internet presence and there is no way other than visiting to sort out by quality because there are so few reviews. I can find lists of everyone who is licensed in our town, but the idea of cold calling literally dozens of people makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.
We do have one good recommendation, but she only does full time. But full time there is cheaper than 3 days a week at a center. So now I'm debating whether we just go full time. But I don't want to go full time. Part of the idea of 3 days a week was to save money, but it was also because I just wanted us to each have that one day a week with her. And if we're paying for full time and have the option of full time, the chances of us just keeping her at home are slim to non-existent. Because while I prioritize time with the kids over work in the abstract, when it comes to daily decisions, the pressure of work deadlines always ends up trumping in the short term. That was the beauty of only having part-time childcare--I would create a structure that restricted my decisions to actually conform with my priorities. Yes, it would be difficult to get the work done with a day at home, but let's be honest, I'm going to be working late into the night most nights and feeling hopelessly behind no matter how many hours of childcare I have, so I might as well also actually spend some time with my kids, right?
And so these options are playing through my head on an endless loop as I try to sleep, making it impossible to actually fall asleep. I just feel trapped.
And in my internet reading as I sit here trying to distract myself enough that I can go back to sleep, I stumbled upon an article that was reviewing some of the studies on the effects of daycare and this was the last paragraph:
"In addition to collecting data on child care use and income and the like, researchers with the NICHD also asked mothers—both those who used day care and those who did not—questions about how they felt about day care. Should a mom stay home with their kids, they asked, or should she feel comfortable using group care and going back to work? When moms said it was better for mothers to stay home with their kids, and these mothers did stay home with their kids, their children fared very well. When moms felt that it is OK to work and put kids in child care, and these moms did work and put their kids in child care, their kids did great too. In other words, “when the mother’s choice was congruent with what she wanted and believed, children did well,” Burchinal says. What’s best for you, then, may well be what’s best for your kids, too." (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/27/the-day-care-dilemma_n_3823594.html?utm_hp_ref=parents&ir=Parents)
This suggests that making sure to spend the one day at home with her for the first 6 months or so should be a priority for me, which makes sense because otherwise I will be wracked with guilt, especially since I had planned to spend that time at home and would be going back on it. But do I have the self-discipline to do that if we're paying for full-time childcare? Maybe writing it here will hold me accountable.
Nicholas has been happy in daycare and I've learned enough about myself over the last 4 years to know that I am a better mom with him in daycare (even if staying at home was a feasible financial option, which it isn't). So I am not obsessing about whether to do daycare at all. The question is whether there is a way to have it both ways. I have many colleagues who do one day a week of childcare and this seems like a good compromise. And when Nicholas started daycare he did part-time for the spring and summer as well, and it was a good balance for us.
Writing always brings me more clarity, and as I write this out it becomes increasingly clear to me that I need to pick a day to be home, even if it doesn't save us any money. If we're paying for full-time, then that gives me flexibility on those weeks where everything collides. And what Joe decides to do with his day then would be completely up to him. If we manage to find a part-time option that actually is cheaper, then that is still ideal, but if nothing emerges in the next couple weeks, I am now leaning towards committing to the one good full-time option we have, which is the best financial option, and just relying on my will-power to force myself to make choices that actually align with my priorities.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Horseback Riding
Nicholas truly has no idea how lucky he is. The things this little boy has had the opportunity to do are amazing. Today my Aunt Mary helped him ride one of her horses! He was really excited about it, but I was worried that once he got up close and realized just how big and powerful horses truly are, that he'd be spooked, especially since I can't get on with him right now.
But, no, he was totally unfazed and looked completely comfortable riding. He rode for a long time (maybe 30 minutes? I didn't look at my watch) and repeatedly exclaimed, "This is so much fun!"
And a video:
But, no, he was totally unfazed and looked completely comfortable riding. He rode for a long time (maybe 30 minutes? I didn't look at my watch) and repeatedly exclaimed, "This is so much fun!"
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| From Summer 2013 |
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| From Summer 2013 |
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| From Summer 2013 |
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| From Summer 2013 |
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| From Summer 2013 |
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Vacation Mommy Style
What I dream about when I think about vacation is a beach, a novel, and a pina colada. But what I actually plan for vacations are marathons of activity where we try to see as many people as humanly possible in the timeframe. These have always resulted in at least a few meltdowns as Nicholas was pushed on bedtimes, time in the car, and in general the alternation between overstimulation and sitting still while adults catch up. But this trip he is articulating his frustration with this pattern, making it clear each time it is time to leave a place or person that he wants to stay longer. It is one thing for me to do 3-5 hours with each group of people--I know them well and so am resuming an existing relationship. But from his point of view, just as he starts to feel really comfortable in the space and with the people I pull him out and move on to the next thing.
Don't get me wrong, he is having a ton of fun. In fact, he has enjoyed every part of the trip so much that he is upset when it ends.
Some snippets of his fun on the Louisville leg in photos:
Helping Grandma and Grandpa with yardwork at great-grandpa's house:
Playing tennis with Grandma Kathleen and Grandpa O.:
He thought it was cool that Grandpa O. (his great-grandpa) taught Grandma Kathleen to play tennis when she was a little kid.
Playing with one of my college roommates' kids in Cincinnati:
They played outside for about 4 hours, about 3 of which involved a game of making pretend dinner by collecting various weeds around the yard. And they required literally no adult intervention to settle disputes while playing this game (the first hour when they were on the trampoline, on the other hand, did require a few interventions). They came over a handful of times to show us what they were doing, but spent almost all of their time playing contentedly together without our input.
Jumping in the bouncy castle with a bunch of his second cousins at a family birthday party:
He never quite made sense of how he was related to these kids or how things fit together, but he had a lot of fun. And it just so happened that of the 20+ cousins of that generation, the 7 who were at the party were almost all between the ages of 3 and 6 and so worked really well as a group.
He is having a wonderful time, as am I. I wish I could give him more intensive time with people, as I wish I could have it myself, but the reality is that we only make it out here once or maybe twice a year between the time and money of the trip and so the choice is this whirlwind or not see many of the people, and the latter option seems worse. And even with the whirlwind, he is building relationships more clearly on this trip. Part of it is that even while in some senses he is starting over, he has memories of many of the people and places from previous trips, so isn't starting from scratch. He is also just not as shy this year and is interacting with others without always using me as an intermediary, which allows him to do more bonding. We have just two more days. :(
Don't get me wrong, he is having a ton of fun. In fact, he has enjoyed every part of the trip so much that he is upset when it ends.
Some snippets of his fun on the Louisville leg in photos:
Helping Grandma and Grandpa with yardwork at great-grandpa's house:
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| From Summer 2013 |
Playing tennis with Grandma Kathleen and Grandpa O.:
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| From Summer 2013 |
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| From Summer 2013 |
Playing with one of my college roommates' kids in Cincinnati:
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| From Summer 2013 |
Jumping in the bouncy castle with a bunch of his second cousins at a family birthday party:
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| From Summer 2013 |
He never quite made sense of how he was related to these kids or how things fit together, but he had a lot of fun. And it just so happened that of the 20+ cousins of that generation, the 7 who were at the party were almost all between the ages of 3 and 6 and so worked really well as a group.
He is having a wonderful time, as am I. I wish I could give him more intensive time with people, as I wish I could have it myself, but the reality is that we only make it out here once or maybe twice a year between the time and money of the trip and so the choice is this whirlwind or not see many of the people, and the latter option seems worse. And even with the whirlwind, he is building relationships more clearly on this trip. Part of it is that even while in some senses he is starting over, he has memories of many of the people and places from previous trips, so isn't starting from scratch. He is also just not as shy this year and is interacting with others without always using me as an intermediary, which allows him to do more bonding. We have just two more days. :(
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Orioles Game
Nicholas and I got our trip to Maryland started with a trip to the Orioles game with my dad and my best friend from high school and her husband. It was drizzly off and on, but we were under an overhang and so had a delightful time. Nicholas even made it through the whole game! And the Orioles won!
Joe had told me that Nicholas was starting to pay more attention to details of the game at their recent trips to minor league games, but it was fun to see it myself. Not that he focuses the whole game or understands half of what goes on, but he has learned a lot this year and was asking lots of questions. His favorite parts of the game by far are the snacks and the pep rally elements ("Let's Go O's!" and "Charge" are his favorites), but whenever the crowd would cheer or boo and he didn't understand why, he would ask for clarification and listen intently as I explained. His favorites from today--double plays and stealing bases.
But of course our Nicholas was very confused that stealing a base was a good thing. How can stealing be good? My explanation didn't much help. I started with saying that the runner went to the next base when it wasn't his turn to run, but of course that was a problem as well. How can doing something out of turn be good?
Joe had told me that Nicholas was starting to pay more attention to details of the game at their recent trips to minor league games, but it was fun to see it myself. Not that he focuses the whole game or understands half of what goes on, but he has learned a lot this year and was asking lots of questions. His favorite parts of the game by far are the snacks and the pep rally elements ("Let's Go O's!" and "Charge" are his favorites), but whenever the crowd would cheer or boo and he didn't understand why, he would ask for clarification and listen intently as I explained. His favorites from today--double plays and stealing bases.
But of course our Nicholas was very confused that stealing a base was a good thing. How can stealing be good? My explanation didn't much help. I started with saying that the runner went to the next base when it wasn't his turn to run, but of course that was a problem as well. How can doing something out of turn be good?
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| From Summer 2013 |
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| From Summer 2013 |
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| From Summer 2013 |
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
This and That
Warning: this post is going to be incredibly random and has no overall point or theme connecting the strands.
I have neglected this little blog of ours even more this summer than usual and so feel the need to post an update of some sort, even though I have no idea where to begin. I mean, really, how do you sum up an entire summer in one blog post? Especially if you are someone prone to rambling and verbosity.
So let's start with some of the things that we have pictures of.
We had a great time in Colorado in early July for my cousin Chris' wedding. My parents and both of my brothers were there and it was the first time we had all been in the same place (or literally even on the same continent) since before Nicholas was born. My mom's dad and a bunch of her siblings and some of my other cousins were also there, which was a fun treat. We went hiking, toured some WWII bombers (which were really fascinating inside, but I didn't get pictures because honestly it took 100% of my focus to get my belly through the tight spaces without smashing baby girl or getting stuck), went to a Union Pacific Railroad museum, and spent quality time with family.
(Previous 2 photos taken by Nicholas.)
In late July Joe, Laura, and Josh came to visit for 4 days. Joe is a high school friend of mine and Josh is my godson, so at this point they are halfway between friends and family. I actually commented at the end of the visit that it felt like I remember visits at my aunts and uncles' houses feeling as a kid and the relationship between Nicholas and Josh seemed like that of cousins. And since so far Nicholas doesn't have any actual cousins, Josh can be his pseudo-cousin. We did a bunch of kid-friendly tourist things (and in multiple New England states to cross new states off Joe's bucket list!)--the zoo, Mystic Seaport, and the other adults attempted to catch a Redsox game in the rain--but we also spent time hanging out at home, playing games, and just enjoying the chance to be together. Since this is a Nicholas-blog, I will note that he had some trouble handling the fact that Josh (14 months) didn't follow all the rules of sharing but overall did a good job with the older-kid role and tried to be a good helper. Also, Nicholas loved the chance to be allowed to play some of the grownup games and it was so funny to me that we were seeking out those moments when Josh was sleeping and Nicholas was awake for the games. It quite literally was only a year ago that we were having to wait on games until Nicholas was asleep. And now he is playing games listed as 13+ (without an understanding of the strategy involved, but with a good grasp of the rules).
The following weekend Nicholas and Joe spent the day with Joe's parents at Old Sturbridge Village (a re-creation of a 19th century village). I've posted a few pictures here, but since I was working at the town library, I can't add commentary.
We then picked up Stacy (my college roommate and Nicholas' godmother) at a conference nearby and got a 4-day visit from her! She and Nicholas were roomies and she humored him much more than either Joe or I can tolerate with hours of "sinking ship," a new game Nicholas has concocted that seems from what I can gather to merge his fascination with the Titanic and obsession with pirates. They also read books, went swimming, played tennis, and in general had an awesome time hanging out.
Based on the pictures, it looks like we have had such an exciting summer, full of adventures and lots of people. But really that is just what I have taken pictures of. Most of our summer has been pretty boring and status quo. I have been teaching A LOT this summer and so our days and weeks have looked sadly similar to those during the school year. There has been a bit more swimming, but even that has been no more than once a week. A few snacks of popsicles or ice cream cones on the balcony, but just on occasion. And none of the daytrips to local summer spots that I had dreamed of. We've just been busy.
And I've been tired. Oh, so tired. I thought I was just working too hard. Which, to be fair, I probably have been. And I figured that my body just couldn't handle the work until 2 am, teach at 8:30 routine while pregnant. Which it probably can't. But it turns out that the absolutely bone tired, fighting to push through feeling that has been getting steadily worse and virtually omnipresent the last few weeks is at least in part due to low iron levels. So I'm hoping that as we get my iron levels back up I'll regain some of my energy. And hopefully with that phenomenon I will also have less of a sense of having wasted my summer.
Some of the things we don't have pictures of:
I didn't think it was possible, but Nicholas seems to be getting more excited about the baby. He likes to talk to my belly and feel for her to move. And he does it so sweetly. Sunday morning he leaned close to my belly and sweetly said, "Baby sister, it is your big brother, Nicholas. Can you move for me? Do you hear me?" Unfortunately she did not oblige, which disappointed him. This evening, however, she has moving around a lot and he was totally in awe. I had worried that it would freak him out a bit (because seriously it does look a bit like there is an alien poking through my skin) but even though he commented that it felt like she was trying to get out, he had the look of wonder that you expect from a parent rather than fear or disgust that I expected from a preschooler. He also likes to make up songs to sing her. Melts my heart.
Nicholas is making some progress on reading, but we have spent very little time on it. This is one of my regrets from this summer. How have we not made time for this? But when we try in the evenings he either says he just wants us to read him a chapter book or says he wants to read and then doesn't actually even make good guesses or give it a real try. We figure he is just too tired at that point. But even on a weekend day, he frustrates me with his lack of persistence. This is one trait we really want to work on with him. He will read the words he knows but often if he doesn't know the word right away, he makes up a silly guess and jumps away laughing. He knows how to sound out words and make good guesses and work from there and when he is willing to try he can get most of the words in the first level early readers, or at least get as far as is possible given the screwiness of English grammar, but he often just won't try. And then he wants to give up and says we're done reading. And I don't need to push him on reading in and of itself--he is way ahead of where I expected him to be and I don't care if he gets any further in the next year in terms of just straight reading skills--but I refuse to let him just give up whenever something is a little bit difficult or he has to work at it. He does this with toys and games too and it drives me crazy. I really think that gaining some persistence will be of much more benefit to him than learning to read before kindergarten.
I have neglected this little blog of ours even more this summer than usual and so feel the need to post an update of some sort, even though I have no idea where to begin. I mean, really, how do you sum up an entire summer in one blog post? Especially if you are someone prone to rambling and verbosity.
So let's start with some of the things that we have pictures of.
We had a great time in Colorado in early July for my cousin Chris' wedding. My parents and both of my brothers were there and it was the first time we had all been in the same place (or literally even on the same continent) since before Nicholas was born. My mom's dad and a bunch of her siblings and some of my other cousins were also there, which was a fun treat. We went hiking, toured some WWII bombers (which were really fascinating inside, but I didn't get pictures because honestly it took 100% of my focus to get my belly through the tight spaces without smashing baby girl or getting stuck), went to a Union Pacific Railroad museum, and spent quality time with family.
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
In late July Joe, Laura, and Josh came to visit for 4 days. Joe is a high school friend of mine and Josh is my godson, so at this point they are halfway between friends and family. I actually commented at the end of the visit that it felt like I remember visits at my aunts and uncles' houses feeling as a kid and the relationship between Nicholas and Josh seemed like that of cousins. And since so far Nicholas doesn't have any actual cousins, Josh can be his pseudo-cousin. We did a bunch of kid-friendly tourist things (and in multiple New England states to cross new states off Joe's bucket list!)--the zoo, Mystic Seaport, and the other adults attempted to catch a Redsox game in the rain--but we also spent time hanging out at home, playing games, and just enjoying the chance to be together. Since this is a Nicholas-blog, I will note that he had some trouble handling the fact that Josh (14 months) didn't follow all the rules of sharing but overall did a good job with the older-kid role and tried to be a good helper. Also, Nicholas loved the chance to be allowed to play some of the grownup games and it was so funny to me that we were seeking out those moments when Josh was sleeping and Nicholas was awake for the games. It quite literally was only a year ago that we were having to wait on games until Nicholas was asleep. And now he is playing games listed as 13+ (without an understanding of the strategy involved, but with a good grasp of the rules).
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
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| From 2013 July |
The following weekend Nicholas and Joe spent the day with Joe's parents at Old Sturbridge Village (a re-creation of a 19th century village). I've posted a few pictures here, but since I was working at the town library, I can't add commentary.
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| From 2013 August |
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| From 2013 August |
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| From 2013 August |
We then picked up Stacy (my college roommate and Nicholas' godmother) at a conference nearby and got a 4-day visit from her! She and Nicholas were roomies and she humored him much more than either Joe or I can tolerate with hours of "sinking ship," a new game Nicholas has concocted that seems from what I can gather to merge his fascination with the Titanic and obsession with pirates. They also read books, went swimming, played tennis, and in general had an awesome time hanging out.
 |
| From 2013 August |
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| From 2013 August |
Based on the pictures, it looks like we have had such an exciting summer, full of adventures and lots of people. But really that is just what I have taken pictures of. Most of our summer has been pretty boring and status quo. I have been teaching A LOT this summer and so our days and weeks have looked sadly similar to those during the school year. There has been a bit more swimming, but even that has been no more than once a week. A few snacks of popsicles or ice cream cones on the balcony, but just on occasion. And none of the daytrips to local summer spots that I had dreamed of. We've just been busy.
And I've been tired. Oh, so tired. I thought I was just working too hard. Which, to be fair, I probably have been. And I figured that my body just couldn't handle the work until 2 am, teach at 8:30 routine while pregnant. Which it probably can't. But it turns out that the absolutely bone tired, fighting to push through feeling that has been getting steadily worse and virtually omnipresent the last few weeks is at least in part due to low iron levels. So I'm hoping that as we get my iron levels back up I'll regain some of my energy. And hopefully with that phenomenon I will also have less of a sense of having wasted my summer.
Some of the things we don't have pictures of:
I didn't think it was possible, but Nicholas seems to be getting more excited about the baby. He likes to talk to my belly and feel for her to move. And he does it so sweetly. Sunday morning he leaned close to my belly and sweetly said, "Baby sister, it is your big brother, Nicholas. Can you move for me? Do you hear me?" Unfortunately she did not oblige, which disappointed him. This evening, however, she has moving around a lot and he was totally in awe. I had worried that it would freak him out a bit (because seriously it does look a bit like there is an alien poking through my skin) but even though he commented that it felt like she was trying to get out, he had the look of wonder that you expect from a parent rather than fear or disgust that I expected from a preschooler. He also likes to make up songs to sing her. Melts my heart.
Nicholas is making some progress on reading, but we have spent very little time on it. This is one of my regrets from this summer. How have we not made time for this? But when we try in the evenings he either says he just wants us to read him a chapter book or says he wants to read and then doesn't actually even make good guesses or give it a real try. We figure he is just too tired at that point. But even on a weekend day, he frustrates me with his lack of persistence. This is one trait we really want to work on with him. He will read the words he knows but often if he doesn't know the word right away, he makes up a silly guess and jumps away laughing. He knows how to sound out words and make good guesses and work from there and when he is willing to try he can get most of the words in the first level early readers, or at least get as far as is possible given the screwiness of English grammar, but he often just won't try. And then he wants to give up and says we're done reading. And I don't need to push him on reading in and of itself--he is way ahead of where I expected him to be and I don't care if he gets any further in the next year in terms of just straight reading skills--but I refuse to let him just give up whenever something is a little bit difficult or he has to work at it. He does this with toys and games too and it drives me crazy. I really think that gaining some persistence will be of much more benefit to him than learning to read before kindergarten.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Our little pirate
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| From 2013 August |
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| From 2013 August |
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