Unexpected Joy

We expected this child to bring us great joy (oh, and great frustration, too—we’re not too sentimental to know that), but I’m beginning to realize that we didn’t know the half of it. We both love kids, love working with them and playing with them, and just in general having them around. But our experiences with kids have always been with other people’s kids, and usually not children we have any real “claim” on (with the possible exception of our godson, but he is very far away)—the Steinke kids who we love dearly but who we are just random friends to and then the kids I’ve worked with in various venues. And so we expected joy to come from interactions with our child, as it has with these other children. What I was completely unprepared for and am just starting to learn is that this child will bring us great joy even in moments we aren’t involved in at all. Here’s what I mean:

Simply existing: With all the kicking and moving and exploring this child is already doing, it has made clear to me that it is already an independent person. Yes, it depends on me physically for everything, but it is an individual person already, with its own thoughts, even though they might not be conscious yet, and doing its own thing. And it is amazing. I spend lots of time wondering about its personality and can’t wait to see all of the uniqueness that is this amazing little person unfold over the months and years ahead. Maybe it is because all the superficial stuff people are usually curious about with babies is such a known with our children (hair color, eye color, complexion) that I’m left free to wonder about these things, but wow are they more interesting. It is fun to make guesses about what it will be like and know that we have years to discover these traits. And so I am realizing how much joy this child will bring to our lives just in growing and exploring and developing and in letting us be a part of it.

Bringing joy to others: Okay, I admit it, I’m a pleaser. I like to make other people happy. In fact, knowing I’ve made someone unhappy or disappointed someone has always been a worse punishment for me than any grounding could ever be. Anyway, I’m quickly realizing that this child has the ability to make people happier than I ever can on my own. And this, by extension, makes me so happy. When I see Joe’s face light up when he feels the baby kicking it is the best feeling ever. And other people are happier at the sheer news of the baby’s existence than I’ve ever seen them. I can’t wait to see the joy this child brings to people once it is here and visible and able to interact with them. And I am so happy to just be able to sit back and watch and revel in the smiles.

And so, Peanut, there you go—the earliest proof that you don’t have to ever do anything other than just be yourself for us to love you.